Momento Mori
by Kismet
Summary: Six months after the events in "Near You Always," Hilde lands in the hospital again...*sweatdrops* I am SO dead. *flees the crazed mob of 2xH lovers*


**Disclaimer:** *grumbles* Stupid evil disclaimers...the Gundam Wing hunks o' hot stuff -- er...*blushes* I mean...the G-boys all belong to Sotsu or whomever. They're not mine, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give them back so easily. Not until they firebomb my house, anyway. *cackles* Seriously, though, this story is so completely harmless that a lawyer wouldn't even be able to make a case of infringement out of it (which, by the way, is not intended). The song "Angel Standing By" is not mine either. It belongs to Jewel and it's absolutely perfect for this fic. I just HAD to have it! ^_^  
**Author's Note:** Oog...guys, I lied. *hides her face* I know, I'm mean. I just can't stop writing the sappy fluff! I tried writing this as one part, but it got _way_ too long and I had to divide it up. So this isn't the end either. *hangs head* Don't kill me! I apologize! Also, if you see any errors in this fic, I'm sorry about those, too. I'm sleep-deprived right now and I'm too tired to care. Anyways, I've already written the end so it should be out _very_ soon. I just need to do some tweaking here and there. Keep yer eyes peeled, alrighty?  
  
**Wufei:** What does _momento mori_ mean?  
**Kismet:** I'm sorry, I can't divulge that information at this time.  
**Wufei:** *waves katana threateningly* Yes, you can, _onna._  
**Kismet:** Are you planning to protect me with that thing? Because people are going to kill me when they find out what it means...  
**Wufei:** Just say it already.  
**Kismet:** I don't want to. I could be charged as an accessory to my own murder!  
**Wufei:** _Onna!_  
**Kismet:** Okay! *winces* It's Latin, and it means "remember you must die."  
**Wufei:** Don't even _tell_ me what unthinkable things you did to Hilde and Maxwell in this fic.  
**Kismet:** Fine, I won't. I'll be upstairs hiding under my bed if you need me.  
  
  


Momento Mori  
  
_by Kismet  
  
kismetchan@hotmail.com_  
  
**********   
  
_"Love is always in the mood of believing in miracles."_  
~J.C. Powys

  
  
Sister Helen used to tell me that there's an important lesson that needs to be learned for each person in their lifetime, and that it's something you've gotta figure out for yourself. Well, if there's one thing I've learned so far, it's that life has this sneaky way of sidling up behind you and smacking you upside the head when you least expect it. It pulls out your entire world from under your feet and turns you completely upside down. It shatters your security, swirls everything around until you're a complete wreck, and then just leaves you there to put your life back together, piece by piece. Assuming you're still sane enough to handle it, of course.   
  
This happened to me many times, specifically this whole past year. This time I was determined to put my life back together the right way because I actually had someone to share it with. I never thought that I would find a person that I loved who actually loved me back, only to have fate try to take her away. It just goes to show you how nothing can turn out to be like you expect.   
  


_// All through the night,  
I'll be standing over you.  
All through the night,  
I'll be watching over you. //_

  
  
Take this evening, for example. Here I am once more, stuck in a hospital room, a room I hoped I might never have to stay in again. I'm sitting on the edge of one of those sanitized, uncomfortable hospital chairs, just watching Hilde sleep. I never get tired of watching her sleep. The room is dark; the only dim light filters in from a line under the door and through the window from the streetlights a couple stories below. I can just see the outline of her face in the darkness. She looks beautiful as always.   
  
I've been staring into the blackness for what seems like hours, waiting for her tests to come back. I've settled back into my usual hospital routine, the one where I just sit and think, snuggled extra close, holding Hilde's fingers in one hand, my cross clutched tightly in the other. Every so often her IV pole beeps and I automatically twitch. I just can't get used to being here again, because we're _not_ supposed to be here. It's three in the morning; we're supposed to be curled up in bed at home like we always are.   
  
Hilde's been in remission for about six months, and every day she looks happier and healthier. Her hair's even grown back. It's thicker and darker than it used to be, but it's still back. Now when she looks in the mirror, she actually likes what she sees. She still gets tired sometimes, but lately she's been feeling pretty good.   
  
The scary thing about remission, though, is that it can end at any time. It could last from six days to sixty years and no one knows exactly why. And here I sit, nervous as hell, hoping to God that the cancer hasn't come back. And it seems like no one around here can give me a definite answer.   
  
Today's our third wedding anniversary. Wait, no, correction: _yesterday_ was our third anniversary. We were supposed to go out for our special dinner I planned just for her at her favorite restaurant. We were going to sit on our bench in the park and watch the world go by.   
  
I was supposed to give Hilde her anniversary present.   
  
There was a slight change of plans when I walked in the bathroom looking for her earlier tonight. My Hilde was sitting in the corner, her knees pulled up to her chest, looking like a lost little girl caught in the rain. She looked up at me with miserable eyes.   
  
"Duo-chan...I don't feel so well," was all she said.   
  
Dinner was the last thing on my mind as I rushed her to the hospital. The doctors immediately took her away for testing, and I was banished to the stark white walls of the hospital's waiting room. Sally promised to tell me the second I could see her, but that didn't make the waiting any easier.   
  
I sat in the waiting room for more than four hours with no clue as to what was happening. Eventually Sally quietly came in and sat in the chair next to me. She handed me a small plastic bag. White, to match the rest of the hospital.   
  
"This is Hilde's jewelry," she explained. "I thought you might want to hold onto it for her."   
  
I took it and just looked at it for a moment. Inside, I knew, was Hilde's favorite necklace, a pair of earrings, her engagement ring, and her wedding ring with the word _forever_ written on the inside. Forever. God...the _irony_ of this is just sickening.   
  
Sally pretended to stare at her hands while I swiped at my eyes with my coat sleeve.   
  
"So what's the verdict?" I said when I could finally speak.   
  
"I just talked to Hilde's oncologist," she said gently. "And he said that they had to put her under to run some more tests."   
  
My hands were shaking. "Is the cancer back?"   
  
"I can't tell you that for sure yet," she said, her voice soft. "It's important right now to stay calm. It could be a false alarm, but then again, it might be a sign of something worse. They suspect --" her eyes were unnaturally bright. "They suspect that the cancer could have possibly spread to her bone marrow. And if it has..."   
  
Sally didn't have to say more than that. We both knew it was a death sentence.   
  
A couple minutes later, my cell phone rang. It was Relena.   
  
"I heard what happened," she said through the crackling static. "Is Hilde okay?"   
  
"I don't know," I told her, my voice trembling. "They're doing tests right now -- they won't let me see her for a while."   
  
"Did Sally tell you anything yet?"   
  
"She said the cancer might be back," I said numbly.   
  
"Oh, God..." She started to cry. I held the phone away from my ear, because if I knew if I listened, I'd start crying too. Finally Heero came on the line and promised he'd call everyone else.   
  
After that...so many people began to call me that I had to turn my phone off. I had no answers for them. I could only tell them the grim news and listen to their shocked silence. No one knew what to say to me. I tried to keep each conversation as light-hearted as possible because there was no point in getting everyone else upset. If they got upset, I knew I'd just get upset too, and what good could _that_ do me?   
  
"What can I do?" Quatre asked me when I talked to him.   
  
"Nothing," I murmured. "Just wait and pray."   
  
"All right," he finally said. "I will then. I'll tell Trowa, too."   
  
After I got off the phone with Quatre, Wu-man showed up and brought me some coffee. He hung around for a while, glaring at anyone who came by, and then finally left me alone again, telling me that he was going to find the _onna_ and annoy the hell out of her until she gave him some answers. I smiled at that, but I knew he wouldn't get any farther than I did. I guess he just wanted to help out in any way he could. Wu-man doesn't like feeling helpless either.   
  
For the rest of the time I just sat in the silent waiting room, praying for a miracle. I used to read about them all the time in the newspapers, how this person had survived a horrible accident, how a little boy managed to live through a ground-breaking operation. Thinking about this kind of thing always reminds me of Sister Helen. She believed that every day was a miracle. Once she took me outside for a walk on a sunny spring day, just us together.   
  
"Isn't this a beautiful day today, Duo?" I remember her asking me.   
  
I slipped my hand into hers. "I guess so."   
  
She stopped to admire a potted plant growing on a sun-warmed windowsill. "Do you know why we should be especially grateful for a happy day like this?"   
  
"Nope," I said. "Why?"   
  
Sister Helen turned to look at me. "Because somewhere out there somebody's having a sad one."   
  
I think about that memory a lot, along with other important life lessons I've picked up over the years. How you should always say exactly what you feel. How you should always mean what you say. And especially how you should never, _ever_ take anyone for granted...because it could be gone in the blink of an eye. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice Wufei come back.   
  
"You may go see your _onna_ now," he said.   
  
I managed to smile wanly to show my thanks and followed him down a maze of corridors until we came to a room that had a tag that said "Maxwell, Hilde" stuck on the outside of the door. Hilde Maxwell. After three years, I still can't get used to that.   
  
"This is it," Wufei muttered, stating the obvious. He shot a sidelong glance at me, as if hesitant to leave.   
  
"Go ahead," I said, almost teasingly. "Go see your _onna,_ Wu-man. While you still can."   
  
For a second he looked like he wanted to sock me a good one, but he didn't. Instead he smiled a little. "Thanks, Maxwell. If anything comes up, I'll let you know."   
  
I shook my head as he walked down the hall in search of Sally. That guy has the strangest way of showing his affections. Better late than never, I guess.   
  
I turned back to the door and silently pushed it open, almost afraid of what I would find. Inside it was dark, but I could still see Hilde, looking small and vulnerable in her hospital bed. She was surrounded by machines again, and an IV had been stuck in her arm. She was lying on her side, gazing out the window. I wondered what she was thinking.   
  
"Hey, Hilde-babe," I greeted her.   
  
She turned her head and smiled at me. I love when she does that. She has a lot of smiles, but the best one is when she smiles just for me. It lights up her eyes like nothing else.   
  
"Hi," she said hoarsely.   
  


_// And through the bad dreams,  
I'll be right there, baby.  
Holding your hand,  
Telling you everything is all right. //_

  
  
I walked around the other side of the bed so she wouldn't have to move and parked myself in a nearby chair, scooting it as close as possible to her. She watched me quietly.   
  
"How do you feel?" I asked her, taking her small hands in mine.   
  
Hilde blinks. "Tired," she whispered. "I'm tired of this."   
  
I leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Me too. Don't worry, babe, it'll be all right."   
  
"I hope so," she said, closing her eyes.   
  
"Are you okay?" I murmured. She let out a sigh, and I squeezed her hands in a futile attempt to comfort her. "You don't have to be."   
  
When she opened her eyes again, they were filled with tears. She shook her head. "I'm not." A lone teardrop trickled down her cheek. "I'm so scared. I don't think I can do this again."   
  


_// And when you cry,  
I'll be right there.  
Telling you, you were never  
Anything less than beautiful. //_

  
  
Without a sound, I slid my arms protectively around her and kissed her tears away. "It's okay, it's okay," I whispered again and again. I didn't know what else to do. "I'm here for you."   
  
"I don't want to die," she whimpered.   
  
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing my heart not to break. "You're not going to," I told her as I desperately tried to hold back my own tears. "I love you too much to let you get away so easily."   
  
She closed her eyes again. "I love you, too. I'm sorry about our anniversary."   
  
"Forget about it. Plenty of time for that later," I said, kissing her again. "This isn't your fault."   
  
"I know," she whispered after a long pause.   
  
"Feel any better?"   
  
Hilde snuggled closer to me. "A little."   
  
Another kiss. "Anything I can do for you?"   
  
"Only one thing," she said.   
  
"What would that be?"   
  
"Just stay here forever," she murmured.   
  
I smiled through my tears. "Glad to, babe."   
  


_To be continued..._   
  
**********

  
  
**Wufei:** *shakes head* _Onna,_ you are pure evil.  
**Kismet:** *muffled* Don't remind me! I feel bad enough about this already!  
**Wufei:** The fic's over...I think you can come out now.  
**Kismet:** *comes out from under the bed coughing* I seriously need to vacuum under there.  
**Wufei:** What is Cherry-san going to think when she reads this?  
**Kismet:** Um...do you think it's too late to enlist myself in the Witness Protection Program?  
**Wufei:** You're lucky there's only one part of this strange series left.  
**Kismet:** *gulps* Tell me about it...  



End file.
